


Free

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:52:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5902537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three years since Gordon was sent to prison, then Aaron gets some news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free

Aaron had just finished his second coffee when the doorbell went. He glanced up at Robert and sighed,  
"I'll get it shall I?"  
Robert grinned at him; making him roll his eyes as he headed over to the door. He pulled it open to find Chas standing there,  
"You alright mum? Smell the bacon did you?"  
His smile faded when he saw the look on her face,  
"Mum? What is it?"  
"Can I come in?"  
He stepped aside,  
"Yeah. Mum are you alright?"  
She walked in and turned to face him; Aaron closed the door and put a hand on her arm,  
"Mum?"  
Chas looked around,  
"Let's sit down yeah?"  
Aaron swallowed,  
"Mum you're scaring me."  
She squeezed his hands,  
"Let's sit down."  
Aaron led her into the kitchen; Robert looked up from his paper, putting it down and sitting up,  
"You alright Chas? Coffee?"  
She looked around,  
"Uh no thanks."  
Robert glanced between them,  
"Right. I'll be disappearing then."  
Aaron grabbed his wrist as he walked past; stopping him in his tracks,  
"No...Mum what is it?"  
Chas clasped her hands together and took a breath,  
"I had a phone call...from the prison."  
Aaron clenched his jaw,  
"What does he want now?"  
Chas sighed,  
"They found him, love. He's dead."  
Aaron started slightly,  
"Dead?"  
Chas pulled the chair out and sat down,  
"They found him in his cell. They don't know what happened yet."  
Aaron let go of Robert's wrist and cleared his throat,  
"Right. Well...anything else?"  
Robert glanced at him then at Chas; Aaron shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets,  
"Mum? IS there anything else? You're okay?"  
Chas stood up,  
"I'm fine...but...you understand what I'm saying?"  
Aaron shrugged,  
"Yeah. You're telling me he finally got what's coming to him."  
"Aaron..."  
He looked over at Robert,  
"What? This is the best news there could be. He's been dead to me for three years, and now it's real."  
He looked at Chas again,  
"It's fine."  
Chas watched him for a moment and walked over; pulling him into a hug,  
"It's okay to feel something, love."  
Aaron pushed her back gently,  
"I know. But I don't. He was nothing. It's fine. I'm fine."  
Chas glanced at Robert briefly before nodding and cupping Aaron's face gently,  
"Okay..."  
She stroked his cheek,  
"You know where I am if you need me okay?"  
Aaron nodded,  
"Yeah. I'm fine. Promise."  
She smiled gently at him and dropped her hand,  
"See you later on then?"  
Aaron nodded and looked away. Chas squeezed his shoulder as she walked past; giving a small smile to Robert as she left. Robert swallowed and reached out to touch Aaron's shoulder,  
"Aaron..."  
Aaron turned around and cleared his throat,  
"I need to get to work."  
Robert dropped his hand,  
"Are you alright?"  
Aaron looked at him for a moment; putting a hand on his chest and leaning in to kiss his lips quickly,  
"I'm fine. I promise."  
He stood back,  
"You're gonna be late. Go on."  
Aaron felt Robert's eyes on him as he left the room; making it to the stairs before the smile he fixed to his face, fell.

Robert didn't bring it up again until that night when they were lying in bed. He glanced over to Aaron who was staring at the ceiling and chewing his lip. Rolling onto his side, he propped himself up on his elbow and ran his thumb gently over Aaron's frown. The man looked over and shifted slightly,  
"You alright?"  
Robert moved his hand, cupping his cheek gently,  
"What're you thinking about?"  
Aaron glanced away for a moment,  
"Nothing."  
"Aaron. Look at me."  
Aaron clenched his jaw and looked over. Robert moved his hand to rest against the man's chest,  
"Whatever you're feeling, whatever's in your head about all this you need to let it out."  
Aaron glanced away and sat up,  
"There's nothing to talk about."  
He swung his legs from the bed and sat with his back to Robert,  
"Aaron I know you. I know when there's something bothering you and-hey."  
He knelt behind him and touched his shoulder; Aaron turned his head but stayed looking at the pillow,  
"Whatever it is you're feeling, if it's anger or its sadness-"  
Aaron scoffed,  
"Sadness? For him?"  
He turned to look at Robert,  
"You honestly think I'd feel anything?"  
Robert opened his mouth then closed it again. Aaron shook his head and stood up; rubbing his face as he paced beside the bed,  
"You want me to talk? You want me to open up? Fine. I feel nothing. Nothing."  
He looked at Robert,  
"That...that scum bag ruined my life. And now he's dead and I couldn't think of anything better. So no. Robert, I'm not feeling angry. I'm not feeling sad. I'm not sorry he's dead."  
He turned to leave then stopped,  
"Actually no. No I'm lying. I am sorry. I'm sorry I didn't get to see him get everything he deserved. I'm sorry it wasn't me that ended his life."  
He held his hands up,  
"So there. Happy?"  
Robert sat back on his heels,  
"Aaron..."  
Aaron shook his head and left the room.

Robert watched Aaron as he got dressed. He chewed his lip for a moment then walked over to him,  
"Aaron..."  
Aaron glanced at him for a moment before returning to dressing,  
"I need to get to work."  
Robert touched his back gently,  
"I'm sorry. For what I said. I'm...I'm sorry."  
He dropped his hand and walked toward the door,  
"Robert."  
He turned and looked at Aaron; he was twisting the t-shirt in his hands and when he met his eyes they were glassy with tears,  
"I..."  
Robert walked over and pulled him into a hug; wrapping an arm around his neck and pressing a kiss just above his ear,  
"It's okay."  
Aaron dug his fingers into Robert's back and squeezed his eyes shut; spelling tears down his cheeks,  
"It's okay. You're okay."  
He kissed his head again,  
"You're okay."  
Aaron nodded and tightened his grip on the man as more tears came.

Chas waited for Aaron to leave the room before turning to Robert,  
"I need you to talk to him."  
Robert looked up from his drink,  
"I'm sorry?"  
Chas took a moment,  
"The funeral...is tomorrow."  
Robert sat up and rubbed his face,  
"Look-"  
"No listen...he needs to know. He needs to put this behind him and I think going there might help."  
Robert shook his head,  
"No, okay? No. He's put it behind him. He's been in such a good place. This? This is so close to dragging him back, and making him go to that man’s funeral? It's gonna destroy him. I won't let it happen. I won't lose him."  
"Won't lose who?"  
They looked over at the doorway where Aaron was standing,  
"Won't lose who?"  
Robert looked at Chas and rubbed his face again. Aaron looked at him and then at Chas,  
"Mum?"  
Chas stepped closer,  
"Love...the funeral is tomorrow. Near the prison."  
Aaron frowned,  
"The funeral? You're going to that man’s funeral? Is this a joke?"  
Chas held her hands out,  
"Love, listen to me, I'm not going to go I was just thinking-"  
"What?"  
She sighed,  
"That it might be a good idea for you to go, to close the chapter on this."  
Aaron looked at her incredulously,  
"Close the chapter? He raped me mum. I can't close the chapter...It never closes."  
Chas winced at the words,  
"You think me going there and watching people grieve over him is gonna help me? Him being dead and gone is the only thing that helps me. That's it."  
Robert jumped up and walked over to him; Aaron turned his attention to him,  
"You think it's a good idea too?"  
Robert scoffed,  
"No."  
Aaron rubbed his face and looked at his mum,  
"Mum he ruined my life. Please don't let him carry on. Just forget him. Let him rot."  
Chas took a deep breath and nodded,  
"Okay, if you're sure."  
"I'm sure. It's done. It's over."  
He sighed,  
"I wanna go home."  
He walked over and hugged his mum quickly,  
"I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Okay."  
He gave a small smile and headed out; Robert looked over at her and smiled briefly before following him.

For nearly a week Aaron threw himself into work; Robert didn't mention it again and neither did he. Instead they talked about the future, the holiday they wanted to take, the new sofa they were going to buy. They spent time at the pub, with Chas, dinners were had and laughs shared and they still didn't mention it. It was always on Aaron's mind though; keeping him awake at night and making him feel sick in the day. It was the fifth night of no sleep that made him decide. He sat up in bed and swallowed hard before waking Robert up,  
"Rob?"  
Robert groaned,  
"Rob I need you to wake up."  
He blinked his eyes open and looked at Aaron; sitting up and reaching for him,  
"You okay? What's wrong?"  
Aaron looked at him and took a breath,  
"I...I think I need to go."  
"Go? Go where?"  
Aaron cleared his throat,  
"I need to go see him, to his grave."  
Robert frowned and caressed Aaron's shoulder,  
"You sure?"  
Aaron nodded,  
"Will you come with me?"  
"Yeah of course. When do you-"  
"I need to go now."  
Robert laughed,  
"Now?"  
Aaron nodded and Robert glanced at the clock,  
"Aaron it's three in the morning."  
"If I don't go now I'll never be able to. I just....I need to go."  
Robert touched his face gently,  
"Okay. Okay we'll go."  
Aaron nodded,  
"Thank you."  
Robert nodded and watched as he climbed from the bed and started dressing. They moved quickly; heading out into the cool night and climbing into the car. Robert stopped before turning the key,  
"Aaron...are you sure you wanna do this?"  
Aaron looked at him,  
"I thought...I thought I'd be happy when it happened, you know? Like I'd feel better about it all. He was dead. It was over.”  
He blinked; his eyes burning,  
"I thought it would make everything better...but it hasn't."  
He shrugged and looked down; Robert reached over and squeezed his hand. Aaron looked down at them and smiled briefly,  
"He never said it you know."  
He looked back at Robert,  
"He never said he was sorry, for what he did, for what he..."  
He looked away as his tears started to fall,  
"He never even fully admitted it. If they hadn't found him guilty then he would've shrugged it off, put it down as me being a liar."  
Robert clenched his jaw to keep from tearing up,  
"It's okay."  
Aaron shook his head,  
"No it's not."  
He sniffed,  
"But it will be. I just...there's things I need to...say. And...I need to say it to him."  
Robert nodded and squeezed his hand again,  
"Alright then. Let's go."  
He started the engine and squeezed Aaron's shoulder quickly before driving down the road.

Robert stopped the car and looked at Aaron,  
"You okay?"  
Aaron took a deep breath and nodded,  
"Yeah."  
Robert looked up at the sky,  
"Well...it's getting lighter at least."  
Aaron nodded; Robert looked at him and reached over to squeeze his hand,  
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to. It's okay."  
Aaron looked at him and entwined their fingers,  
"I know. I have to."  
Robert nodded and lifted their hands; pressing a kiss to Aaron's,  
"You want me to come with you?"  
Aaron shook his head,  
"No it's alright."  
He looked out the window and huffed out a breath,  
"I gotta do this on my own."  
Robert nodded,  
"Okay...I'll be right here. Take as long as you need."  
Aaron looked back at him,  
"Thank you."  
Robert smiled gently at him and squeezed his hand. Aaron looked out of the window again and cleared his throat; taking his hand back and unbuckling the belt.  
"Alright..."  
He climbed from the car and closed the door. He zipped his jacket up and shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked into the graveyard.

It didn't take him long to find it; it was a new plot; flowers still fresh in their plastic on the soil. Aaron stood before it and stared at the name carved into the stone until his eyes burned.  
"I hate you."  
He clenched his jaw and stepped away slightly,  
"You know I fought coming here. I fought it so hard and then I realised...I'm not scared of you. You're nothing."  
He glanced around,  
"I don't know how you died. But I hope it was painful. I hope you were scared, I hope you felt an ounce of what you made me feel for years. I hope you died slowly, you don't deserve a quick death, and you deserve nothing but pain."  
He rubbed his face and sniffed,  
"You told her that you did it because you wanted to keep me in line. Because she left. But you're the one that's alone now. You. You died alone and you're gonna rot alone. Because no one’s gonna care about a disgusting rapist like you. You're gonna rot in hell and me? I'm gonna be happy. I'm gonna live a full life, a happy life; you don't win this one Gordon. You don't win."  
He wiped the tears from his cheeks away angrily,  
"It's your fault. Yours. It's not mine. I'M NOT TO BLAME."  
He pointed at the grave,  
"It was YOU. It was your fault. And you failed. You tried to wreck me but guess what? I'm still here."  
He jabbed himself in the chest,  
"I'm still here and I'm loved and I'm needed, whoever finally killed you did the world a favour. You're nothing. You're scum."  
He wiped his eyes again,  
"You know I wanted an apology. A hint of remorse. Something...but I was never gonna get that. You have to feel something to do that and you don't feel anything. And now? Now I'm done. I'm done. I'm gonna go and live my life and you're gonna be forgotten."  
He rubbed his face and let out a chuckle before sniffing and looking at the name carved into the stone. He stepped back slightly and hocked before spitting onto the stone,  
"Have fun in hell."  
He shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking back toward the car.

Robert started awake when the door opened. Aaron climbed in and slammed the door shut; he looked over to Robert,  
"Sorry."  
Robert rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat,  
"S'fine. You okay?"  
Aaron sat back and closed his eyes,  
"Yeah."  
Robert reached over and touched his shoulder,  
"You wanna go home?"  
Aaron opened his eyes and looked over at him,  
"Yeah."  
Robert nodded and squeezed his shoulder before starting the car. Aaron looked out of the window and swallowed,  
"Wait...actually...I wanna go somewhere else first."  
Robert looked over,  
"Okay?"  
Aaron nodded and put his belt on,  
"Where am I going?"  
Aaron rubbed his nose,  
"Go that way, I'll tell you the way."  
Robert nodded and started driving.

"Where are we?"  
Aaron climbed from the car,  
"I used to come here when I was little. Had some good times here before..."  
Robert wrapped the jacket around himself as the two men started to walk up the path. They headed toward the view point and stood looking out at the land before them; the sun was starting to rise; sending an orange glow over the woodlands and hills before them,  
"Wow."  
Aaron looked out at the view and clenched his jaw for a moment before speaking,  
"My whole life...I've had this...ball of anger inside me. This hate that just...fills me up. Ruins everything...made me think I didn't deserve any scrap of happiness."  
He looked over at Robert,  
"I thought it was gonna kill me one day. That I'd die alone and angry."  
Robert frowned slightly and Aaron shrugged and looked back out at the view,  
"As soon as we drove away from that graveyard...it was like-god it was like this weight had been lifted. A weight I didn't even notice anymore...I was so used to it and it was gone."  
He looked over at Robert again,  
"I left it behind...all that hate. It died with him."  
Robert put his arm around Aaron's shoulders and kissed his head. Aaron took a deep breath and looked back out at the rising sun,  
"I feel free."  
He closed his eyes; feeling the cool morning breeze on his skin and smiled,  
"I'm free."

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea this afternoon and I had to write it to get it out, so I apologise for it being rubbish but I wrote it very quickly!


End file.
